!Simply-Dunni-on-Spot !SiDoS: Palava-Series-1
by ahjotnaija
Ms. Oladunni Talabi is a beautiful and wonderful addition to the AhjotNaija!BlogFamily. She is a Master student resident in Germany, young and very-full-of-life. She experiments with different forms of writing; this is one of them: Entertaining while strongly pushing for deep self-discovery/identification and cross-cultural dialogues among other interesting themes
Lookit me!!! Methink I’m becoming germanized ooo…! Or why should I get pissed because a guy knocked on my door without prior notice through email or whatever that he would come knocking! And that while I was sleeping like i-don’t-care in the afternoon. He wanted me to describe the heimleiter’s (housemaster) house.
Come to think of it, how did I sleep in Nigeria in noonday through the screams from my mum to get her something, which is right in front of her! Then she would be like *oh sorry you are sleeping, but still call again in five minutes thereafter!
And there would be my cousins too on the other hand doing their waka-abouts searching for God-knows-what like in a Gulder Ultimate Search (GUS) on my own side of the room.
By the way, having your own room doesn’t mean it’s yours. Anyway, I had MY OWN BED I could lay claim to. That was enough for me. I no be OLIVER TWIST who’s always asking for more..
There were mum’s spontaneous visitors too knocking on the door and you were expected to leave everything with immediate alacrity, including your *sleep* and attend to them till they leave! Who born you to do otherwise!
I must not forget to mention our dog barking for reasons best known to her. By the way, Yoruba-Nigerians believe dogs bark when they see evil spirits, witches and wizards flying to their afternoon-meeting. So our dog probably always see them flying because she never stopped barking. I wish I knew better, but since I am not a dog, how do I know.
The cocks who have decided to make your window an abode of worship-to-God would be busy making a call and finally the generator making its own kinda noise…
In these times, my patience was never stretched to its breaking point oooo… and oh, if you were pissed, or squeezed a fraction of your face or eyelid…. hehehehehe *smiles aloud*. Pity betide you! You would be making the greatest mistake of your life allowing mum see it on your face, as in you putting on a *poker-face*
If you’ve been wondering why I smile or laugh even when nothing is funny… now you know! The outcome of your *poker-face* is this: slaps that would make you see stars in broad-day light and you’d also feel like you are on a roller-coaster.
If she was not in the mood to dash you free slaps, then you were gonna have to stand for an hour while she tells you stories of all bad and disobedient children in the bible e.g. children of Eli. They ended up in Hell!
Come to think of it; I don’t know why my mum took a fancy to Eli’s children – Opheni and Phineas*Please confirm spelling in the bible and read the detailed story while you do*.
She talked to my brother about Samuel, David and the good children; and when it got to my turn; it was always these same people- Opheni and Phineas, the disobedient Eve who ate the apple, the proud Goliath who got killed by the dwarf David, Absalom who got hung on a tree by his hair!
In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if Absalom had such extremely strong and tough dreads because I still don’t understand how a tree carried someone up from the horse with his hair! I doubt this could happen with this slick oyinbo-hair o. Anyway, that is none of my business o jare! *just saying though while I go back to sleep*
ajagunna 
This is great.
Growing up in a Yoruba household (in the States and Nigeria) I can vouch for all of this. It makes us who we are though.
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Very vivid exposition of life in western Nigeria, where I happened to have spent a decade of my childhood. In the east where I spent quite some time in the secondary and tertiary studies, the situation was a bit different. But here too there were great continuities with what Ola depicts in her stories, which can be taken to almost represent Nigeria. I appreciate these artistic mosaic by your style of telling stories, perhaps more than I would have done if I were back home. But now from the feeling of nostalgia evoked of my early days in Ikeja by this story and of the distance which separates me from those early days, from here I can now in hindsight see that this world is really my world, although I could argue for more decent things for us down there in Nigeria and wish for better upbringing when I put on my thinking cap or when I ve to think of the great almost obsessive values which is placed here in Germany on the upbringing of the child. It is in such a situation that I would wish that all forms of “violence” against the child( like slapping or beating or even ‘cursing’). I would wish for a less noisy Nigeria. Just imagine being in the old Oshodi with conductors hooting and screaming, loudspeakers of a thousand and a million church preaching to the ear of one poor man/woman struggling to squeeze out through the maze. Just imagine the over-population of lagos, at least every LGA in Nig is well represented, and how more than 10 persons can be managing a room. All in the bid to survive. But at least we have learnt to be tough and resistant to pains and agony, even from very far away from home. We have even learnt from these humble beginnings the great value of community-spirit, of sharing…Ola thanks for evoking all these warm home emotions in us, especially those in diaspora! Please sharpen your pen the more and give me more.. I want, like Oliver Twist, some more!!!!
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Dominic… well, of course being born in Nigeria had its pains but it also had its gains, its made us who we are today… well, i won’t say its because I’m in the diaspora now, I am open to d gains much more than the pains, maybe if i was in Nigeria, I would also write differently… but what I know for sure is having being exposed to absolutely two different worlds, It has made me a very reflective person and every minute, even when i don’t wanna do it, i keep comparing and contrasting, and I know we all do this.
And i ll definitely beat my kids, if only for the merciless beatings I received from my mum, even the bible said #spare the rod and spoil the child# hahahahahaha.
And you are so correct… #being born in Nigeria made us tough and resistant to pain and agony… and the great value of community spirit# and i will also add very happy people who can party in Neptune, the coldest planet on earth. have a nice day.
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