!Simply-Dunni-on-Spot !SiDoS: Jailed Because of Pepper!
You know I told you guys I would await the 3rd oyinbo guy to come ask for description before requesting my Heimleiter to make me his secretary, and if he refused, then I would have no choice than to start giving these guys the wrong address. I know I’m that bad. I don’t need to be told.
Even while growing up, my mother labelled me *wicked* several times because of my unlimited pranks. I won’t tell you about my pranks today sha o.
Oh, my oyinbo friend also told me of recent that he would be un–friend me if i didn’t stop playing these my stupid pranks on him, so I’m considering putting an end to it.
Ok. Nobody came knocking today but I had a very exciting day anyway. I woke up late as usual. I’m not very disciplined so I have no alarm like my oyinbo friend who even own a sleeping alarm! Can you imagine?! Alarm telling him it’s time to sleep… Hehehehehe. I no fit laugh o jare.
I sleep when sleep comes knocking and wake up when my eyes deem it fit to open u. Hahahaha. Thank God we are on semester break. I only have this term–paper I have to write. It is easy though. I guess you are itching to know what my topic is. Here it is: Code-mixing and Code-switching between Pidgin and English: A Case Study of the Phenomenon in Contemporary Nigerian Hip-Hop Music. Exciting. Right? I also think so.
Don’t mind the fact that Nigeria keeps rearing its ugly head up in all my stories, but what can I do, I’m a Nigerian. You don’t have to beleive me. I have my green passport to prove it.
Anyway, I have this Spanish friend and we like each other so much, if not for the difference in skin pigmentation, you’d think we were sisters…hmmm… We probably are. You never can tell…
So she informed me on Whatsapp that she’s hungry. I being a good samaritan now, told her to hop on the next bus to my place. I was gonna cook my indomie and eat so I decided to include hers. Ok now. She was so happy; she arrived 15minutes later and I started cooking. I swear, I totally forgot it wasn’t just me that would eat it o, aswear I didn’t do it on purpose!
I brought out my pepper that I carried in my luggage all the way from Nigeria the last time I visited. This pepper is so important to me ehn, even more than my Master programme! Hahahahaha.
Ok now. After adding the pepper that came with the Indomie, I added my own Nigerian pepper!
I coughed the usual way before I announced that food is ready.
Hmmm, I am still speechless I swear o…because she was hungry. She started before me, I had to wash the pot I used as a good Nigerian wife–to–be–now..
So I was at the sink washing when I heard this scream from behind me, I dropped the pot. I turned around immediately. What did I see?
My friend! Lying on the ground! Coughing! Scratching head!
I didn’t know what to think. You know we are very close. I know she’s not epileptic. So what can this be?, I seemed to ask myself. I moved close. In my fright I asked what the problem was. Her eyes were tightly shut and she was gurgling WATER! WATER! I immediately ran to the sink. My mind already went blank! Chai, is this how I’m going to be deported? I could already see my picture in the Westfälische Nachrichten – A Black Girl Killed A White Girl Today!
I forced the water into her mouth but I still didn’t know what the problem was. There was nobody I could call because it was Sunday. These Germans ehn and their strict routine… my flatmates don’t wake until 11am… Can you imagine!
Finally, I remember I’m in Germany and not in Nigeria and I can always call the emergency number. In my disordered state, I called the police instead of calling for an ambulance.
Shit! Another problem was this same language… I think I have to take this language seriously for once and learn it o!
Anyway, I was able to ask in perfect German to be put online with someone who can speak English, they grudgingly did… Na life and death matter now… So I narrated my story to them. My friend is lying on the floor and I don’t know what the problem is. Fortunately for us, my house is just 2minutes from our city hospital so the ambulance arrived in less than 5minutes.
Of course, the police had to take me along, I’ve become an accessory to whatever is wrong with her now. These German machines ehn will never cease to amaze me. Chai! Immediately, they started passing different pipes into her brain and hooked her to one big machine like that!
Egba mi ke! Ko le to yi now!
The doctor who asked to be told the story again finally told us it was my pepper that almost took her life o!
I was surprised! Pepper ginni?! Ehn!!! My Nigerian pepper ke!!!
Iro ni o!
The pepper I brought all the way from Nigeria that my mother spent more than 6000naira nearly killed somebody! I refused to believe the doctor. I told him bluntly my pepper is not poisonous as I have used it several times. I even begged them to allow me go home to bring it and taste a spoon in their presence. They all looked at me like I was an alien. Eat a spoon of pepper?, they seemed to ask. I answered yes.
Anyway, my friend is alive now o and doing well. Finally, I wont be labelled a killer. Thank God!!! You know it’s our culture to thank God for everything.
Shebi Yoruba people say a soul who doesn’t eat pepper will die young. Then why did my pepper almost kill my friend and she’s just 21 o? It’s like the reverse is the case here o. Anyway, I tire for this oyinbos o. Why are they very fragile like this sef? I just got in from the hospital o and I’m very tired, so I’m just going to dust my bed and go to sleep.
I couldn’t even study today, see what pepper caused. When I woke up, I was seriously awaiting the knock of these cute oyinbo guys so I could gist u about it, maybe he came knocking and met my absence. Who knows jare? I didn’t know I was going to spend my day in the hospital o. But why now, God. I prayed to you this morning, but you didn’t show me this vision o. Pepper! Hmmm...!