!Simply-Dunni-on-Spot !SiDoS: Lets Talk About Food o jare!
by ahjotnaija
Ms. Oladunni Talabi is a beautiful and wonderful addition to the AhjotNaija!BlogFamily. She is a Master student resident in Germany, young and very-full-of-life. She experiments with different forms of writing; this is one of them: Entertaining while strongly pushing for deep self-discovery/identification and cross-cultural dialogues among other interesting themes
Lets talk about food o jare. I’m a very talk-active. I can talk for 24hrs non-stop. Time is never fair to me because 24hrs is always too short to explain the ideas and ask all the questions bumping into each other in my head. I am in permanent search for answers. I never get tired. It amazes friends where I get strength from; A friend called it positive energy.
Now, don’t get too excited yet about this super-human. Here is the bomb: most of what I talk about are nonsense. I just hop from one topic to the next with no sense of direction. I call the energy a restless one.
So, I was writing this troublesome term–paper in the library when I decided to take a break. I deserved a break after 30 minutes of serious writing… Hahahahaha. I went to the café to drink my water. Not long after, this cute guy came to join me. He sat right in front of me! By now, I knew I’m the CEO of Cute Guys Detective Company!
Guess what caught my attention actually? it wasn’t his cute–self. The banana in his hands was real cute. The cup of coffee too. Those two things did it. I chatted him up. I was lucky he speaks English. I’ve still not learned enough German. I asked what he wanted to do with the banana.. Can you imagine such a ridiculous question… If I was asked that kind of question, I definitely would say *I wanna shove it up my ass, idiot!*
But Germans aren’t like that, very nice people. He responded quite friendly: *Of course I wanna eat it as my lunch*’ (that *of course* was perceived by my Nigerian-ears as insult though). I echoed his last word in surprise: *Lunch!?*
He looked as though I was plain stupid. Then he said: *Yes, lunch.*
With incredulity, I inquired further: *And how many hours can this take you before hunger came back?
His response left me more baffled: *Till dinner time*.
I only *hmmm-ed* over the words that came to my lips: *Very good*. I gulped the water I had come to drink, excused myself and waka–comot. A piece of banana for lunch?! I swear I never would have stumbled on that kind of strange lunch, not even in my widest thoughts! I really don’t understand these Germans and their stomachs o.
That reminds me. I was also in the library one day like that and very hungry. So I went home with my Oyinbo friend asked. He lives behind the library. On getting home he brought out this canned soup. Of course, I asked him where for the rice/spaghetti to go with the soup.
*Which rice?, he responded. *We are going to eat the soup just like that!*
I was just as baffled as I was with the banana-lunch guy. *Just like that?!* I almost died a thousand death! How can someone *lick* soup and be satisfied?
According to him, the soup is heavy and satisfying. It was prepared to be! Jeez, all I could see were some millipede-like creatures cut into the soup. Ok now, shebi na me find trouble. I should have gone to my room jeje to eat rice or eba.
So we sat on the balcony and licked soup for 1 hour. Even before I lick the soup-drop, I was already hungry! I bet if these Oyinbos ate like me daily, they all would be obese by now. They eat for the whole day what I normally would eat just for breakfast. Very strange though is, they all seem to be heavier than me. So where is all my food going? That is a bit annoying.
What do you think of vegetarians? If asked, I would say I don’t know why anyone would simply decide to come to this world to suffer! I hear that being a vegetarian gives 10 more years to live. What a gift! I’d rather eat my meat and die 10 years before than eat grass and live 10 more years! Abi ke. What do you think o jare, good people?.
Some say humans are unfair to the animals? But didn’t we receive power over all beasts of the earth? By the way, my brother accussed me of always finding a quotation to suit my purpose. Hehehehehe…
By the way, I remember when I arrived in Germany newly and went to the supermarket I almost bought cat-food? Why wont I jare, when I couldn’t even read the German alphabets. My African mind could also not fathom why animals should have food section in the supermarket!
And finally, do you know my Oyinbo flatmates stare at me in d morning when i enter the kitchen and begin to boil rice at 8am. I don’t know why though, but I’ve heard them call me weird several times but who cares. They also eat bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Quite strange! How can anyone live on this boring, tasteless and non-satisfying bread everyday?! Even the *Good-Book* said *man shall not live by bread alone* Hahahahha.
I once woke up to eat rice at 5am because I was hungry. It was my Indian friends who were shocked this time around. I don’t understand these people o jare. So, it’s not only oyinbos who think I’m weird, Indians too! This is my conclusion: They all gotta be some real weird fellas too!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!
ajagunna 