The Proverbial Crocodile and A Crooked Dame: On a Scale of Sincerity!

by ahjotnaija

Undoubtedly, the latest display by Nigeria’s First Lady is in a class of its own, if considered in light of her usual comedy-like theatrical appearances in time past. For those who know her, this is enough to spur them to practically jump into the internet for a glimpse of her unique First-Ladyship! Seriously, an attempt to characterize this latest with words might be a challenge too daunting for literature!

If anyone is yet to see Dame Patience’s recent act, imagination will certainly not disappoint such fellow just at first guess what manner of episode she must have delivered. I recommend very quickly a google-search. They certainly would not want to miss Dame Patience performance!

For a better grasp, this is what happened: The First Lady practically broke down while she addressed a meeting she called to talk about the over 200 missing schoolgirls in Nigeria. A tissue was at hand to quickly salvage the situation. She at once removed her eyeglasses to wipe clean her tears!

It must not be left unsaid that her voice grew louder and wilder with every shout she made. Apparently in a move to emphasize her sorrow and state of bewilderment! After all, these were over 200 girl-children missing! Her Excellency is a mother (the First Mother!) and was once a girl!

Not to forget, also involved in this problem is Dame Patience’s husband, whose job and government’s integrity are at stake! The burden on the president’s shoulder at the moment could not have been better put on display in practical terms than the increased cleft of the First Lady’s voice while she delivered an episode that was not much different from a cast-down soul bewailing a loss too great to bear! Who would want to or could come to terms with such loss!

Voices were heard, apparently from those present uttering words of comfort. They must have been caught off-guard with the seemingly frustrated and broken First Lady. They forgot that this is a person whose emotional stability might not be medically unquestionable going by her various appearances since her assumption of Nigeria’s First-Ladyship!

In any case, it need be said without mincing words that saving the wailing of Her Excellency, no tear was sighted. It will certainly have been to her better advantage if she had made a successful attempt at shedding the proverbial crocodile tears, and ensuring for the sake of the media, that the *proverbial crocodile tears* were sighted before being wiped off with the tissue offered her!

Notwithstanding this little mishap in execution of the soap-opera-like short comedy, the goal of the short prop was achieved.

As a matter of fact, the handlers of the First Lady, particularly those who authored this theatre of the absurd must be commended for a well-done job. They have once again exploited fully the Femme fatal personality/unusual-woman-power character of the First Lady, and that very successfully. The emotion-prone First Lady was very useful for the singular purpose at hand, namely, diversion away from the heated polity of the moment. The comedic tint for which the First Lady is known was also a tool in this regard.

Come to think of it, it is over two weeks since the uneventful abduction of the schoolgirls, the cluelessness of the presidency has only gotten worse by the day, and the military is not any better in combating the insurgency. Conflicting statements from the presidency and the military on the (un-)successful release of (some) girls and consequent withdrawal or re-framing of the wordings of the press release could only worsen the predicament of the Jonathan Presidency. In a time of total loss within the rank and file of the presidency over the handling of the kidnapped girls, which is fast becoming a problem that cannot be ignored for the government, the First Lady’s show of shame came in very handy, a sort of temporary relief and a tool to weep up sentimental support for the president’s unfortunately helpless situation.

Apart from the diversionary purpose, her appearance is also a continuation of the blame-game. It is very convenient to shove fingers in the other direction to underline one’s innocence. One can be sure the handlers of the First Lady have since returned to their kitchen-laboratory to cook up yet another episode of the never-will-end-comedy-pack!

While this latest faux-pax is making rounds on various social media and has become a subject of serious discussion among the intellectuals, the First Lady had in actual fact reached her targeted audience with the kind of message she wanted to pass across! In fact, the higher viewership the video gets, the faster she reaches her desired group of Nigerians.

It should be noted that the audience of the First Lady is neither the (highly/superbly) educated social media users nor the better-informed citizenry like readers of this piece! I am certain many in this category were *pissed* as it is evident on various social media platforms and from comments and op-eds. These (well-informed) Nigerians are angered!

Has it ever occurred to anyone to ask if the First Lady cares about these Nigerians of good taste? To say the truth, she does not *give a damn* (if I may borrow that from President Jonathan’s vocabulary chart!). Her targeted audience is the easily bought-over type. This audience will/can much identify with her predicament. I refer to them as the *Put-Yourself-In-The-First-Lady-Shoes-Category*. This is one typical excuse which sells well among the fan-base of Her Excellency.

Their argument is this:
If I were the First Lady, I would have done same or worse to protect my husband’s interest!
This is a job that feed the family!
I am the First Lady! I would do anything to keep my husband on the job o!
Etc.

These Nigerians would shout you down if you happen to attempt to talk them back into common-sense regarding the urgency of the task at stake. Were they alone, which meant, they happen to be thinking alone, it would take them lesser time to convince themselves that the First Lady had done the right thing! Therefore, she must be right! Other self-convincing thoughts might follow. Before long, the president is forgiven and all his transgressions are blurted out. He is now being looked at with a flowery eye-spectacles on!

With reference to the proverbial crocodile and the First Lady, the former would be better placed if sincerity is a yardstick. Come to think of it, the crocodile shed the proverbial tears, not because the animal willed it into existence. To the crocodile, the shed tears is an unavoidable means to an end in that they were unavoidably shed! How else could she (the crocodile) have been able to crush the bones in her meal but to let the tears flow freely!

Now, fact is, the other of the pair, namely the First Lady, she had long figured out she was going to cry in that piece she acted. She knew what to do and how to go about effectively timing when she would break down! She could as well have started crying before the meeting began, but she did not! She held back her tears for the camera. She could as well resolve to a daily dose of wailing and tear-shedding to underline the genuineness of intention! No, she did and would not! Really, the First Lady would have won me over if she could show she had not slept since the girls were kidnapped or that she has not stopped crying and wailing since after that scam and sham of a meeting ended!

Further on the duo, apart from the sincerity of intention for which the crocodile is the better and sincere of the two, both of them clearly enjoyed the shed-tears. The shed-tears for the crocodile is a confirmation of how much she enjoys the food being crushed/eaten. The pleasure the crocodile derives from her tears can and is only comprehensible when described in orgasmic terms! If she could laugh and cry aloud, she could have done so to underline how pleased she is for a good meal!

Take it or leave it, like the crocodile and her tears, the First Lady did enjoy that show of shame she put up for the camera. Her brokenness is insincere. Readers should view it in this light: What exactly is the purpose of the meeting? Did she seriously mean to discuss the missing girls? Did she really have any reasonable solution or suggestion at hand, which she has since not discussed privately with her husband? Let us be clear: The First Lady’s pretended brokenness is a farce. I hope the Nigerian public is far better informed to be taken in by this farcical show of emotion which is best described as fraudulent emotional trickery.

Seriously speaking, one would do well not to discuss this First Lady at all, because she is a very unfortunate happening to Nigeria and a real waste of precious time! One is best advised to follow the Nobel Laureate’s wisdom when asked by Christiane Amanpour of CNN for his opinion of Nigeria’s First Lady.

Prof. Wole Soyinka aptly responded: That one that calls herself the First Lady of Nigeria, I don’t want to talk about her!

I second the Nobel Laureate.